Lily has recently become terrified of bugs. Any and all bugs. Imagine her delight upon discovering Larry and Mo eat crickets. :oP Actually, she's rather fond of the fact they eat the bugs and has been quite entertained watching them eat. While I was still at work, she and her Daddy fed the lizard-boys and lost track of time watching them dine.
B realized it was time to feed Lil (oops!) and asked her what she wanted on her pizza. "No! I don't want pizza!" the tiny tyrant decreed.
"Well, what do you want?"
"Oookay, how about cricket pizza?"
"Cricket pizza? Dat's YUMMY!"
I dug a little deeper into Picasa today and looked at more pictures of Hannah and watched some more movies. I'm devastated I didn't take more photos of her. How could I not take more movies and photos?
As I was watching some movies, looking at her, seeing all the tiny nuances that made my Monkey my Monkey, I realized that my life had been perfect. I didn't think so at the time, but it was. I had everything... There was Han, learning to ride her bike, me calling out encouragement. There she was doing all she could to stay out of the movie I was filming of Lil. "I know you don't want me in the picture, Mommy." Oh, but Monkey, I DO! I did tell her I didn't mind--I'm not sure if that was true or not as my voice sounded a little irritated. I was so wrapped up in Lil and catching all her growing-baby moves. Han was a big girl, and really wasn't changing that much. But, she was. I realize that now. I'm so worried that I was more wrapped up in Lil than I should have been and missed some important parts of Hannah's childhood. Did I waste those moments?
Hannah always wanted to be in photos and movies. In fact, she couldn't seem to stand having a camera not pointed at her. She also LOVED to watch herself in the mirror, the reflection of the tv, the windows. I was so worried about Hannah being vain and conceited. I was so afraid she was going to be so self-absorbed I completely missed the fact she was one of the most generous, caring, unselfish little kids I've ever known. How in the world could I miss such a thing?
I've determined we all want the best for our babies. When they hurt we hurt. When they are happy, we are happy. Our job is to help shape them into the adults they are to become. I was SO worried about the adult Hannah would be I lost sight of the beautiful, gregarious princess she was. Call this another lesson learned.
Hannah, Monkey, I'm so sorry I missed how wonderful you were while you were here. (I knew you were wonderful, but failed to see how absolutely awesomely amazing you truly were.) I celebrate you every day, Monkey-mine. You are my inspiration and my reason for finding the beauty and the wonder in the world. Because, sweet Monk, you were right, there are amazing things all around us. I promise not to lose sight of this, even on my most difficult days. You were my sweet, precious Monkey and this evening, my heart hurts with missing you. I love you, sweet Monkey. I love you.
Well, that post got away from me...
1. I've been using Han's fancy purple pen with the plume-y end. It's divinely fancy. ;o)
2. I'm half-way through my school work. Woo hoo!
3. Lily was so excited to see me she BEGGED to talk to me on the phone. She is just as difficult to understand as Hannah was. :oP
4. Lola. I LOVE Lola!
5. Boy does Lil make me laugh.
6. Brien is amazing! He took today (and tomorrow as well) off to be with Lily since her daycare is closed. Nana is equally amazing as she will have Wednesday and Thursday duty. Thank you both SO much!
7. Brien also managed to keep up with the Lil-monster and her messes. I'm impressed. :o)
For now, I'm off to relax with what is left of my evening. Good night, everyone.